From high-profile celebrity divorces to emergency gag order protections, lock in 5G parody data for just $15/mo across all 3-month trial commitments.
Click any plan card below to select it for your trial kit order.
For active celebrity press leaks & daily courtroom drama.
$45 upfront payment for 3 mos.
Multi-line protection for high-stakes divorces.
2-line minimum required.
Filtered communications for supervised visitation.
Parental court controls included.
Tailored for probate, estate disputes, and wills.
Extra-large font bill statements.
Total silent protection when the judge demands complete courtroom silence.
Just like Mint's $15/mo structure, but customized for courtroom drama and stealth operations.
| Plan Feature / Add-On | Base Plan ($15/mo) | Satirical Add-On Rate | Litigation Advantage |
|---|---|---|---|
| Priority Mime Silence | Included | + $5 / month | Guarantees your support rep won't make a single peep under oath. |
| Free Burner Phone Hardware | Optional | FREE with Annual Commit | Pre-loaded with fake call logs and instant disposal instructions. |
| Subpoena Protection Bypass | Standard ($2/mo) | + $8 / month | Routes your mobile data through international parody jurisdictions. |
| Deposition Audio Scrambler | Not Included | + $3 / month | Replaces your voice on recorded calls with a polite duck quack. |
| Emergency Contempt Bail Out Fund | Included | $0 / month | Provides instant digital coupons for local courthouse coffee shops. |
*All add-ons are entirely fictional and billed in parody tokens. No real financial transactions occur.
Frequently asked questions regarding active court cases and cellular transfer.
Yes! With Legally Mint's Instant SIM Transfer Protocol, you can port your number in under 45 seconds right from the witness stand. If the opposing counsel objects, our automated system files a temporary motion to stay until your 5G network signal finishes switching.
Big Wireless carriers love hidden fees and surprise litigation surcharges. When you switch to Legally Mint mid-trial, we issue a "Cease & Desist Billing" letter directly to your old carrier. (Results may vary depending on how fast their legal team reads satire).
If you opted into our Unlimited Gag Order or Burner Phone Add-On, simply activate the "Mime Concealment" mode in your account dashboard. Your screen will immediately display a completely silent video of a mime pretending to be trapped inside a clear glass box.
Yes, when you commit to a 3-month upfront payment of $45. No hidden courtroom fees, no mandatory jury duty surcharges, and absolutely zero talking during cross-examination.
Bring your own phone, select your $15/mo litigation tier, and receive your eSIM in minutes. 100% money-back parody guarantee.
